THE POSITIVE SIDE OF EXPERIENCING ADVERSITY
BY: STEPHANIE ANNE ALLEN
I’ve experienced more adversity in my life than someone who
is twice my age! Been through the
darkest and scariest times ever. There
were many years I thought I would not survive.
I believed I was destined to die by my own hands or those of the people
I thought wanted me dead. But with the
grace of God, I survived, and I learned to embrace my pain and turn it around
into something good, something special, and something worthy.
It all began early in my life. I went through depression, bipolar disorder,
schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality
disorder. I was a complete mess emotionally
and mentally. I survived a variety of symptoms
including suicidal thoughts and attempts.
And I also dealt with hallucinations and delusions. My thoughts were affected and so were my
moods.
The depressed times were lonely and dark. I was also a cutter on top of that. I remember just begging God to take my life
because I just couldn’t deal with the extreme mental mess I had become. The manic times put others lives at
risk. And the psychotic times could have
seriously injured or killed many people.
I was psychiatrically hospitalized about 20 times in my life
and this does not even include the six years I spent at a residential
facility. After I went completely insane
and lost my mind, I had to spend over 2 months in jail and a year and a half at
a psychiatric prison.
There were so many times I believed that God just didn’t care,
and He wasn’t going to help me. No one would. I could not comprehend why God would inflict
me with such terrible mental illnesses.
I blamed Him completely for my life being in shambles. I believed He just didn’t care or love me. I began to feel like Job had in the
Bible. I was so lost and unable to
function in society.
For over half my life I lived in fear. I felt I would either kill myself and that
someone out there would kill me. Living
in fear everyday for so many years is very difficult. Living in a mental state such as I had, could
have killed me or worse, others. But God began to work miracles in my life when
I least expected it.
I could have spent 20 years in prison. I could have had to stay at the forensics
center forever. I could have been
released on a contract. I could have ended
up homeless. But God took care of
me. And He helped me to obtain a better
life!
He brought me through it all.
God helped me find the strength, courage, hope, and faith to overcome it
all and achieve a state of mental stability that I hadn’t had since childhood. And now I am giving back and helping others
who suffer like I have. I have written 5
books on mental health topics. One memoir
and 4 self-help books. I aim to inspire
others through my stories and life experience, and I have. I have gotten numerous comments from readers
who tell me how much of an inspiration I am to them. One even went as far as to call me her hero. In
addition, I have become a NAMI Connections Recovery Support Group Facilitator.
I now have hopes and dreams for the future. They may not be what I had planned for my
life, which was becoming an oncologist and finding the cure for cancer, but these
are the hopes and dreams that God has for me.
It is His will that I must accept.
He wants me to write and help others with mental illness. And so what choice do I have but to accept
God’s will for my life.
I would never be the person I am today without going through
all that adversity and pain. I would never
be able to empathize with others. I would
never have the compassion for others that I now do. Adversity has strengthened my character and
made me into a better person. And that
was God’s plan. He turned my pain into
hope. Hope for my own life and hope for
the lives of others. God is good!
Please remember that even though you think you cannot
overcome the pain and make it through, know that you can. That pain you are feeling now, will be a very
humbling experience. God is molding you
into a much greater person. And that is
what He has done for me. . . Thank you,
Lord!
To take a look at all my books, please visit my author page!
Books include:
My Mental Madness Memoir
How to Survive Depression
How to Survive Bipolar Disorder
How to Survive Schizophrenia
How to Survive Anxiety
